2008 Woodie Awards
No love like puppy love
Rebecca Bauman
Issue date: 4/26/07 Section: Opinion
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Paris Hiltons of the world: I ask you to look at the tiny face at the top of this column. Study the bulbous eyes, the button nose, the pearled, needle-point canines, the flannel-flapped ears, the sproingy tail. Now tell me why you'd prefer to spend hundreds, thousands on an inbred, blueblooded sissy-dog when you could just as easily sashay down to your local animal shelter and pick up a needy, loving companion at less than the cost of a tank of gas for your Big Pink Hummer. The very idea that a living creature could somehow, in this day and age, be kept as a sort of accessory, something to dress in a mini-matching Gucci ensemble, something to fondle while flirting at the nearest discotheque is ... heartbreaking. The history of the lap dog, in and of itself, is enough to make one cringe. Fortunate ladies of yore who were not accustomed to regular baths often kept tiny dogs for warmth and companionship, as well as their tendencies to attract fleas. It was believed that keeping a lap dog near one's person would cause the nasty parasites that fed on unwashed human skin to jump ship to this far more palatable host. That, my dear chicas, is the grand tradition y'all are upholding when you tote your $700 primped princesses around as if they could text message your boyfriends and girlfriends. As if they could ring through to your publicist when you get pulled over for that third DUI. Come on. Haven't you ever read "Romeo and Juliet?" Love knows no birthright. You bring an animal home because there's ample room for it in your heart. Not because there's room for it in your massive, Fendi purse. |
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