2008 Woodie Awards
SAVE to protest violence
Melissa Fite/Guest Columnist
Issue date: 9/27/07 Section: Opinion
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Someone close to me recently got out of an abusive relationship. And not until I joined Students Against Violence through Education (SAVE) did it occur to me to be bothered by how many people feel it appropriate to ask this woman, "How could you stay with that man?" Now I see that they are asking the wrong question and to the wrong person. People should be asking her former partner, "How could you abuse that woman?"
Many people assume that for one to enter into a harmful partnership, she or he must be of a certain intelligence or socio-economic background - not to mention a particular race, age or degree of attractiveness. The truth is, anyone can get involved with someone who seems kind and supportive at first, then slowly reveals another side of his or her personality and behavior. The reason I didn't get out of my destructive relationship sooner has nothing to do with how smart I was or wasn't at the time. Quite simply, my ex's behavior worsened so gradually that my perception of it was able to change along with it. My notions of right and wrong shifted, and his actions began to seem almost normal to me.
Today, I am an English teacher at Pittsburg High School, and I've been in a supportive, loving relationship for more than four years. My life is better than it has ever been. However, I haven't forgotten what I went through to get to this point. I joined SAVE largely because I want to find an appropriate way to pass on this piece of wisdom to my students: A person does not have to be weak to enter into a harmful relationship, but must be strong to leave it. One must believe she or he deserves all the best life has to offer, and that includes a partner who chooses respect.
To kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month, members of SAVE and its "brother" group, the Men for Violence Prevention (MVP), will camp out 24 hours a day on "the big rock" behind the Overman Student Center during the first week of October. We are doing this for two reasons. First, we are proud to stand up publicly for victims and survivors of abuse, rape and sexual assault. Second, by being in such a public place, we are illustrating how uncomfortable it is to be a victim or survivor of something that many mistakenly consider "shameful" - and since the rock itself, with all its jagged crevices, is a physically uncomfortable place to spend hours at a time, it is an appropriate location for us to make our demonstration.
We hope that during the first week of October, you'll visit us at the big rock. And we hope that you begin to think about how you could be a supporter of victims and survivors of sexual assault, rape or abuse. We know through research that this majority is likely to remain silent when it witnesses inappropriate behavior that may serve as a "red flag." These red flags, such as name-calling or jealousy, can seem benign, but they may also be public indicators of abuse that could be going on when no one else is watching. It takes an act of courage to confront this problem. Imagine what we could be as a community if we all did so.
Many people assume that for one to enter into a harmful partnership, she or he must be of a certain intelligence or socio-economic background - not to mention a particular race, age or degree of attractiveness. The truth is, anyone can get involved with someone who seems kind and supportive at first, then slowly reveals another side of his or her personality and behavior. The reason I didn't get out of my destructive relationship sooner has nothing to do with how smart I was or wasn't at the time. Quite simply, my ex's behavior worsened so gradually that my perception of it was able to change along with it. My notions of right and wrong shifted, and his actions began to seem almost normal to me.
Today, I am an English teacher at Pittsburg High School, and I've been in a supportive, loving relationship for more than four years. My life is better than it has ever been. However, I haven't forgotten what I went through to get to this point. I joined SAVE largely because I want to find an appropriate way to pass on this piece of wisdom to my students: A person does not have to be weak to enter into a harmful relationship, but must be strong to leave it. One must believe she or he deserves all the best life has to offer, and that includes a partner who chooses respect.
To kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month, members of SAVE and its "brother" group, the Men for Violence Prevention (MVP), will camp out 24 hours a day on "the big rock" behind the Overman Student Center during the first week of October. We are doing this for two reasons. First, we are proud to stand up publicly for victims and survivors of abuse, rape and sexual assault. Second, by being in such a public place, we are illustrating how uncomfortable it is to be a victim or survivor of something that many mistakenly consider "shameful" - and since the rock itself, with all its jagged crevices, is a physically uncomfortable place to spend hours at a time, it is an appropriate location for us to make our demonstration.
We hope that during the first week of October, you'll visit us at the big rock. And we hope that you begin to think about how you could be a supporter of victims and survivors of sexual assault, rape or abuse. We know through research that this majority is likely to remain silent when it witnesses inappropriate behavior that may serve as a "red flag." These red flags, such as name-calling or jealousy, can seem benign, but they may also be public indicators of abuse that could be going on when no one else is watching. It takes an act of courage to confront this problem. Imagine what we could be as a community if we all did so.
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